Managing Conflict By Calling A Timeout

Time out is a strategy used by couples to prevent escalation and preserve the relationship.

Time out is most effective if both partners agree to use it as a strategy ahead of time. 

Rules for an effective time out:

1.       Use the word ‘I’ or ‘we’ when calling a time out, not ‘you’.

2.       Determine when you will revisit the issue – otherwise it may not get addressed.

3.       Wait at least 20 minutes, but not more than 24 hours to return to the subject.

4.       During time out, use healthy ways to calm yourself:

a.     Don’t rehash the conversation.

b.     Don’t plot your next move.

c.     Don’t think negative thoughts that keep you angry.

d.    Do find things to calm and soothe yourself.

e.    Recognize any underlying feelings – hurt, guilt, shame, resentment.

Describe a time when you could have benefitted from a time out.

What could you have done or said to calm or soothe yourself? (Music, writing, walking, etc.)

Make a list of things that help you feel calm. Use this list when you take a time out.

Talk to your partner about using time out to manage disagreements.

Let’s discuss your responses.